The Joy Diet & ALL EYES

I am reading Martha Beck's The Joy Diet again. The timing is great because my friend just began ALL EYES: an experiment in self-improvement. A theme of self-awareness and honesty seems to be developing in my life. The Joy Diet encourages stepping outside of your comfort zone, conquering fears, and identifying your desires; ALL EYES is centered around confessions about areas of your life you want to improve. I have found that both have encouraged me to be more self-aware and brutally honest with and about myself.

I thought I would share my confessions from ALL EYES here and update as I address them. I think this will follow very closely with my progression through The Joy Diet. Here they are...shameful, disgusting, and somewhat ridiculous:

• I have a half-re-upholstered chair in my garage that I started 2 years ago.



• I use "we're doing a major renovation" as an excuse for always having a messy house.



• I consider washing my hair every other day a serious victory.



• I bite my fingernails.



• I have no idea what I want to do "when I grow up."



• Sometimes I pretend not to know how to do things just so I won't have to.



• I talk about how much I love running all the time, but I haven't run more than 2 miles in months.

Good Morning!

I forgot to set my alarm for this morning. Never fear, I have a back-up... an overweight, needy, and demanding black cat. He INSISTS on being fed no later than 6am every morning (and 5pm and 10pm every evening). This isn't a new thing; he's been doing it for years. Yet, every time I try to sleep in I find myself trying to "hide" from him. In my sleepy state thinking that if I am really quiet he'll give up; as though he understands the concept of "mommy's sleeping." He's adorable and I'm a sucker for it. So, thank you Nicholas for waking me up at 5:38 this morning to make sure I got my day started on time.

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot

~Charlie Chaplin

Recently, I have been in the middle of some of the most ridiculous situations. Some very preventable and some just the luck of the draw. It's times like these that remind me why my friend Jeanne and I began declaring that we "suck at life." Although, I sometimes think that more than actually "sucking at life" we are just fortunate enough to be members of a very select group that attracts chaos. No complaints...when you attract chaos, life is always interesting.

For instance, in the last week I somehow developed both a viral and bacterial infection and had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic that did unmentionable things to my stomach while causing me to break out in hives; it snowed record amounts in Nashville; we had crazy deadlines at work; and UAB NAS asked me to be the featured Minute with a Member for January.

Fortunately, Eric has been a superstar taking care of me while I have been sick; the snow has been interesting; we met our deadlines; and the UAB thing is kinda fun.

Even when considering the positive aspects of a chaotic life, I've often aspired to be one of those individuals who can weather any storm; someone who can emerge from the most horrific situation appearing as though they just returned from a spa weekend.

However, I am not one of those individuals, regardless of any efforts I exert to the contrary, I will always appear as though I am in the middle of a category five tornado at the first sign of trouble.

It's who I am.

It's how I handle things.

I wouldn't be me if that changed.

It might be instamatic flu

I've been sick for almost a week now. It is absolutely no fun whatsoever. Eric has done his best to entertain and comfort me - he came home with three kinds of ice cream last night to help my soar throat. Slowing down this long is an extremely difficult task for me. Even sick, I attempt to do things around the house; however, I tire quickly and end up back on the couch under my favorite quilt with a glass of Sprite.

Every time I get sick, I think of the Shel Silverstein poem Sick. My favorite part is "My leg is cut-my eyes are blue-It might be instamatic flu." I was the kid in the library in elementary school who wanted to know if instamatic flu was a real illness. I wish I were faking like little Peggy Ann McKay; unfortunately, I'm really sick.

I guess, until I can return to my usual schedule, I'll continue camping out on the couch, making lists of tasks that need to be performed, and catching up on daytime tv.

"Sick" By Shel Silverstein

'I cannot go to school today,'
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
'I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more-that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut-my eyes are blue-
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke-
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is-what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is...Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play! '

Lucky to have been where I have been

Do you hear me, I'm talking to you...

I turned 30 on December 3. The week of my birthday, I ate cupcakes for breakfast 4 days and worked 60 hours. That is not how I want to live my life.

Lucky to be coming home again...
Identifying how I don't want to live my life led to thinking a lot about how I became who I am today and the people that have influenced me.

In third grade in Mrs. Strickland's advanced math class, we had begun long division. I was sitting in the doctor's office with my mom and grandfather one afternoon working on my homework when my grandaddy looked at me and said "it looks like you like that." He was correct, I did. The next thing he said was "you should be an engineer." I didn't know what an engineer was at that point in my life, but because my grandaddy said I should be one and my grandaddy was my favorite person on this planet, I was determined I would be one.

Fast forward nine years to a conversation with my favorite teacher, Mrs. Tekulve. I spent a lot of time at that point in my life in a dead panic about being the best; being #1 on the math team, getting the best scholarships, and knowing exactly where my life was going. As I am rambling on and on one day about "what if this...what if that" she looked at me at said "who cares, Hef, you will be okay regardless." Why she called me Hef is another story entirely, but that I would be okay was something I needed to hear right then more than anything else.

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed...

Around 17 or 18 I really started questioning a lot of things. I had most certainly "tested" boundaries before then, but I'm not sure I ever really put a lot of thought into why I believed the things I did and what the basis for my decisions were. I babysat 3 adorable children all through high school and late one night when I was staying with them I had a really interesting conversation with their mom. Today, I can't remember what started the conversation, but I will never forget what she told me: "your parents aren't always right." That seems so obvious today; no one is always right. However, at that time in my life, hearing someone say that was revolutionary.

Five years later, after I had finished undergrad and gotten married, I was having lunch with my friend Jennifer. I was at Georgia Tech at the time and interacting with some of the most liberal individuals I had ever encountered. I liked a lot of what I was hearing, but a lot of it was very different from what had been ingrained in me growing up in a small southern town. I remember sitting across from Jennifer in her living room and saying "how the hell do I figure out what I believe?" She looked at me and very directly said, "well, you just have to decide what basic principles are important to you and go from there." We had a long conversation about politics, religion, morality, and every other topic you can imagine. To this day I frequently go back to that conversation when I am conflicted about something.

You make it easier when life gets hard...

I am sure there are many more, but these are the ones that stand out in my mind most frequently. When I think about my career, when I question my beliefs, and when I need confidence in my decisions these are the conversations I remember.

I am grateful for these people, for their influence. I am grateful for the amazing people that are in my life today; for those who remind me where I came from and for those that challenge me to continue to where I am going.

Lucky to be in love with my best friend...

This year, I am determined, is going to be the best one yet. I am determined to leave the drama of 2010 behind and to have a calmer, less stressful year. I am fortunate to be in love with my very best friend, to be surrounded by incredible friends, and to have a loving family. With all of the good in my life, I can't imagine not having a good year.

Happy New Year!!