Change

Recently there has been a lot of change in my life. Some amazing and some a little more difficult to deal with. As I attempt to navigate what has proven to be a very complicated path, I have spent a lot of time thinking about how I have dealt with change in the past and what I have learned. At times, it seems that I have not learned much at all; poor decisions and a quick temper have been catalysts both past and present and have certainly delivered the most severe blows to those I care about. However, the things that have stuck with me are just as poignant. I am quicker to offer apologies now and quicker to forgive; I tend to embrace the good much stronger and more willingly; I have realized that the more you hurt, the more you cared to begin with; and I have accepted that no matter how perfect something seems, it will change.

Eric is home and that is such a happy change. I am adjusting to sharing day-to-day life and enjoying creating a new routine with him. The dynamic of our home has changed to a more lively, happy place. Even our animals are more feisty and playful.

My niece, Lindley, arrives in October and the change that will bring is incomprehensible to me at the moment. I am excited and nervous...I'm just the aunt, I can only imagine what it must be like to be an expectant parent.

There is so much that is changing in my life right now that radiates joy and anticipation. However, it is somewhat tainted by change brought about by conflict and hurt feelings. Change that is rooted in poor decisions and quick tempers. I made mistakes; others made mistakes; as a result, there are likely friendships damaged beyond repair and trust lost indefinitely. Many questions have consumed my thoughts lately...is it possible to get past this? how will this change who I am? what is the new normal? what is the lesson in this situation? forgiveness will come, but can any of this ever be forgotten? Forgiveness will come and with it will come a happier variety of change.