Gold Star Qualities

There have been four very distinct phases of this trip since escaping the hell that was Royal Jordanian daycare. First, there was the extreme jetlag that, try as I may, kept me in bed until at least noon the first two days of my trip. Next, utter intimidation. I did not know how to dress, what to say, how to greet people, or even how to carry myself in public. This level of intimidation was overwhelming and frustrating, but was quickly followed by fascination. By being so completely intimidated, I devoted much more attention to the mannerisms of the locals. I was fascinated with the unspoken communication and what appears to be a clash of traditional and modern in every facet of daily life. Now, however, I have reached a fourth phase...extreme boredom.

While intimidation and fascination have infiltrated this phase, they just don't have what it takes to occupy the 16ish hours that I now manage to escape the comatose sleep state that seems to have become my norm lately. In preparation for a little down time and in keeping with my "read nothing that could potentially resemble educational material on vacation" rule, I purchased Chelsea Handler's Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang prior to our trip. I must say that if irreverent, sarcastic, smart, and absolutely hilarious pique your interest, then you must read this (disclaimer: there is a lot of inappropriateness, so if you are easily offended it's probably not the best choice). Honestly, I expected that between Chelsea and the GQ magazine I stole from some guy in first class on our flight I would not have to worry about further entertainment. After all, I do have half a dozen unfinished books on my nightstand right now and I believe it impossible to account for all of the others I have purchased, read 300 of the 350 pages, and then tossed aside because I was annoyed by one of the characters, became preoccupied with something else, or simply just misplaced the book. Not exactly a gold star quality of mine, but it is what it is. I did, however, finish Chelsea yesterday morning while drinking coffee on the balcony. In the process, I roasted my legs to an unpleasant well-done and served as a feast for every insect within a 5km radius.

The non-comatose time that I have spent not being cooked and served while reading Chelsea, I have dedicated to practicing the 26 postures of Bikram yoga. Why I chose to do this, I'm not really sure. I enjoy hot yoga, but I have never been inclined to do a lot of practicing of anything (just ask my mom about ballet, piano, gymnastics, clarinet, softball, tennis, soccer or any of my other endeavors as a child). On a positive note, I can now stand on one foot while holding the ball of the other foot in my interlocked hands and extending that leg straight in front of me...Dandayamana Janushirasana. I'm considering adding this on my resume under "other skills" with all of the randomness I've included in an attempt to appear well-rounded.

This extreme boredom has led to a number of other interesting activities. I've taken account of all of the people/things with which I am truly enamored. It is a short list including only coffee, chocolate, ice cream (in either of the aforementioned flavors plus strawberry and caramel), Chelsea, little people, Bobby Flay, Ben Olsen, good wine and good vodka. I am thankful that it is short, too many obsessions would require too much of my time and I already have a lot on my plate. I also made an attempt at taking account of all of the excess I would like to eliminate from my life...this list is much longer and a work in progress, so I've elected not to share it at this time.

Tomorrow we depart for Dead Sea. I am hoping that since he will be somewhat away from work, I can drag Eric down to my level of uselessness; I think it would be funny in a tying-a-string-to-a-June-bug's-leg kind of way (did anyone else do that?).