Army Ten Miler

I recently reviewed my previous posts and became aware that I failed to write about the Army 10 Miler (ATM). Eric leaving early last year brought about an inclination that I needed to tackle a number of projects; training for the ATM was one of the more ambitious ones I undertook to pass the time until his return. At that time we anticipated he would be stateside again in October which would have been excellent timing for him to travel to DC with me for the race.

The race was an incredible experience and I fully intend to do it every year if I am afforded the opportunity. It was also an overwhelmingly emotional experience from the moment I awoke (at 4:30!) until the instance I crossed the finish line. I have run races for charities previously and always experience the exhilaration of making a positive contribution. This was different. This race was serious and had a reverence about it. Assuredly, this sentiment was not all-encompassing; but for me, alone and facing an unfamiliar challenge, my senses were heightened and my emotions acute. Particularly poignant were the disabled veterans participating and the parent's running for their child...often, a fallen soldier.

As expected it was a physically challenging experience. Unexpectedly, the mental and emotional tasks far exceeded the physical. As I ran past DC landmarks, it was more than just appreciating the beauty of my surroundings or the magnitude of the event, it was about the recent years of my life with Eric. I recalled the first weekend Eric and I were in DC and how we were so lost when we crossed the 14th Street Bridge the first time. I thought about how devastated I was sitting on that park bench in Freedom Plaza when Eric told me he was going to Africa the first time. Holidays, anniversaries, happy hours, concerts, festivals, friends...I was flooded with so many memories and emotions.

Eric left almost 7 months earlier and I had emphatically informed all who inquired how "fine!" I was in his absence. Truthfully, I missed my best friend and the love of my life terribly. Encumbrances I contrived and obligations I created served as distractions, but they did not satiate the need for Eric's company. Possibly for the first time in 7 months, as I ran with 30,000+ people, I experienced a moment of solitude and the realization struck that"fine" was hardly accurate. I knew I was stronger, more independent, and undoubtedly a little grumpier, but I most certainly was not fine.

The relief that accompanied the realization that I was not fine was surpassed only by my gratitude for the journey that had led me to that moment.

I am looking forward to my next big race. I thought I would have completed a half marathon by now, but I have not made the time. Recalling how fabulous I felt that day; how good it felt to challenge myself is motivation to sign up for something soon...the Country Music Marathon, perhaps.