Day 3: A Season of Gratefulness

Today I am grateful for...

1. Fresh Flowers. Nothing brings a smile to my face quicker than fresh flowers on my kitchen table. Some people think they are a waste of money, but the pure joy I get out of them makes it worth it to me. Peonies and tulips are my favorite, but anything will do. I wish I made the time to garden more so that I could provide my own, but until that time I will settle for the $6.99 variety from Whole Foods.

2. Ice Cream. I love ice cream. Not as much as I love coffee, but it is a close second. I’m fairly certain that my love affair with ice cream began about 6 weeks into my life when my granddaddy decided that sharing his with me was a good idea (I think mom is still mad about this). Some of my fondest memories involve ice cream…eating it with a wooden spoon at granddaddy’s grocery store when I was little, after neighborhood softball games with my best friends, and sitting by the pool on summer afternoons, to name a few. I’ll never forget the first gelato I had in a park in Rome, the strawberry milkshake I ordered the one time Eric and I broke up, or the mint chocolate chip and vodka concoction Astyn and I made regularly in high school.

3. Advanced Communication Technology. Sometimes being constantly connected seems like such a huge burden; however, when I think of all of the positive aspects, the magnitude of the apparent burden lessens considerably. Man by nature is a social being and communication advancements promote a greater social connection. Through Skype, I am able to stay in touch with Eric when he is literally half way around the world almost as easily as I can when he is just across town. There are so many people that I may have never spoken to or seen again had it not been for Facebook. Moreover, the support network you are able to establish in difficult times that is unbelievable.

4. Puppy Kisses. Is it even necessary to explain this one? I am convinced that, as crazy as they make me, my pets are a little bit of heaven temporarily located in my living room. They sense my moods better than any person and they are always quick to comfort me. Every morning Macie is waiting at the bottom of the stairs wagging her entire body when I get up and the first thing she does is lick me anywhere she can. Bryant is a little lazier in the mornings, but eventually he makes it around to planting is cold, wet nose on my leg to say good morning. It is absolutely impossible to be around them and be in a bad mood.

The last couple of days have been pretty rough, but I am fortunate to be surrounded by people who love me. It is good to be reminded of things that make me happy; I am very blessed and intend to continue reminding myself of it on a daily basis. What are you grateful for?

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. ~Henry David Thoreau

Dear friends,

I have a very serious, yet simple, request of you tonight: respect your life and the lives of others. Today, a friend, mentor, and colleague of mine tragically had his life ended by the carelessness of an individual driving under the influence of alcohol. I cannot properly express the shock and horror I experienced upon learning of this; I cannot imagine the pain his family must be experiencing.

It is at times like this that I want to gather my loved ones, keep them comfortably within my reach, and protect them from harm. I realize that is not a possibility. I also realize that I am the individual that regularly advocates living every moment to the fullest and not allowing fear to dictate action. Tonight, although it is on very shaky legs, I stand by these convictions.

Tonight, I make you this promise: I will value my life and yours. I will be the designated driver, call you a cab, or let you crash at my house. I will be the person to tell you that you've had too much and take your keys, regardless of how angry you become. I will do everything in my power to prevent you from injuring yourself or someone else.

I choose to do all of these things because I care about you.

You are my family.

You are my friend.

You are my colleague.

You are my classmate.

I value you and I know that every person is someones family, friend, colleague, or classmate.

Day 2: A Season of Gratefulness

Today, I am grateful for…

1. Free time. I am beyond excited to have two entire days that are not scheduled this week. No conference calls, no meetings, no deadlines. I can work or sleep or organize or bake or anything else that I feel like. Just the anticipation of free time makes me feel like I can take a really deep breath for the first time in a long time…I am so excited that I’m almost giddy.
2. Good health. I’ve abused my body as much or more than most, but I’ve also always adhered to the philosophy that Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out. However, as a result of witnessing so much heartache lately because of sick babies and lost loved ones, I have become acutely aware of how fragile our bodies can be. Inasmuch, I am thankful that, despite all of the madness I’ve partaken in, I am alive and well today and I intend to take full advantage of it because I have no idea what is in store for me tomorrow.
3. Rainy Days. Rainy days, for some reason, seem to me to be more peaceful than most. It is amazing to wake up to bright sunshine most of the time, but sometimes feeling like you just don’t have to be fully awake and can snuggle back into the covers is a really good thing. Today is going to be a cloudy, rainy, stormy fall day and I couldn’t be more excited about it!
4. Sharing meals with friends. A sense of community is something we all need; there is no better way to achieve this that to share a meal with friends. Moreover, how much better does it get than good food and good company? ! I am so very blessed to have good friends that also happen to be very good cooks! However, even if it isn’t some elaborate meal, maybe just coffee or ice cream or whatever, I get an unbelievable recharge from just taking a moment, having a conversation, and enjoying something tasty.

Day 1: A Season of Gratefulness

Today is the Autumnal Equinox. Inasmuch, I decided to make this fall A Season of Gratefulness.

I thought I should set some sort of parameters for my daily lists; this is what I came up with…

• Every day from now until winter solstice, I will make a list of no fewer than 4 reasons that I should be, and hopefully am, grateful.
• No single reason can be repeated in a week.
• No complete list can ever be repeated

Are you ready? This will quite possibly be so insanely positive you won’t be able to stand it!

Today I am grateful for…

1. Cooler weather. Not only is it a nice reprieve from the gross hot summer in Nashville and the beginning of what I fondly refer to as eating season, but also because it means football, brightly colored fall leaves, and some of my favorite holidays including Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19), Halloween, and my birthday (yes, I consider it a holiday!!).


2. Coffee. It is going to be hard not to repeat this one in a week. Coffee may be my single greatest joy on the planet and is so, so, so simple! AND since it is fall again, the Pumpkin Spice Latte will make a comeback very soon.


3. Curiosity. There are days that I have zero willpower, zero respect for the academic process, zero sense of obligation, and zero direction, but I continue for no other reason than I just want to know what will happen if. Sometimes the if is nonsensical and sometimes it steers me to exactly the right spot. Whichever it is, at least curiosity keeps me going when nothing else does.


4. Compassion. Because sometimes we all just feel blah. I’ve felt that way a lot lately and if I didn’t have compassion from others, it would have been a lot worse. The two parts of compassion are sympathy and the desire to alleviate pain. The latter, in my opinion, has the greatest impact. Sympathy is easy, we can all recognize when something really sucks, but to care enough to try to lessen another’s pain is truly an act of love. I am blessed beyond anything I ever could have imagined to have compassionate friends and my hope is that I make every effort to be compassionate toward others.

Ok, so there it is…Day 1of A Season of Gratefulness. Somehow, I landed on a C theme today, not intentional but whatever, I’ll go with it for the moment.

What are you grateful for??

My Model

I have been spending the majority of my free time working on my model lately. My model, as I regularly refer to it, is a laterally averaged finite difference model that simulates the hydrothermal performance of approximately 300 miles of the Cumberland and Tennessee Rivers. FASCINATING, I know. It is not really my model at all, it was developed by USACE and is a project I am completing for another pseudo-government agency; however I've spent enough hours customizing this one that I will continue to refer to it as my model indefinitely.

While I consider myself a relatively sane person most of the time; I believe that spending so much time with my model may have secured a ticket for me on the Acela to crazy town. Please allow me to explain...

The model I am using in the published and supported format has a very nice graphical user interface (GUI - "gooey"); however, the project I am working on required modifications to the source code (FORTRAN...yay!) that were not compatible with the GUI. SO...the executable now appears as a DOS window and requires basic knowledge of command line (yay! again). As if the little black window and antiquated code weren't enough, there are no fewer than 20 input files with thousands of data points in F8 format. My worst nightmare lately is a stray comma...last week a ":" that appeared in place of a "." cost me no less than 45 minutes.

SO...why do I believe the product of gooey punctuation and the brainchildren of Backus and Paterson is causing my mental demise? I regularly find myself staring at the DOS window as it scrolled through a year in 55 second increments and attempting to will it to produce better results. I also made an argument to a coworker today as to why the only thing more useful than calculus is differential equations. If you happen to see me roaming Vanderbilt's campus with a cup of coffee in one hand, grungy t-shirt, and tattered jeans...no worries, that's just how I role lately. However, if for any reason, I seem to suddenly FORTRAN, DOS, and GUIs...seek help immediately for I have surely gone from a little nerdy to completely insane.

Change

Recently there has been a lot of change in my life. Some amazing and some a little more difficult to deal with. As I attempt to navigate what has proven to be a very complicated path, I have spent a lot of time thinking about how I have dealt with change in the past and what I have learned. At times, it seems that I have not learned much at all; poor decisions and a quick temper have been catalysts both past and present and have certainly delivered the most severe blows to those I care about. However, the things that have stuck with me are just as poignant. I am quicker to offer apologies now and quicker to forgive; I tend to embrace the good much stronger and more willingly; I have realized that the more you hurt, the more you cared to begin with; and I have accepted that no matter how perfect something seems, it will change.

Eric is home and that is such a happy change. I am adjusting to sharing day-to-day life and enjoying creating a new routine with him. The dynamic of our home has changed to a more lively, happy place. Even our animals are more feisty and playful.

My niece, Lindley, arrives in October and the change that will bring is incomprehensible to me at the moment. I am excited and nervous...I'm just the aunt, I can only imagine what it must be like to be an expectant parent.

There is so much that is changing in my life right now that radiates joy and anticipation. However, it is somewhat tainted by change brought about by conflict and hurt feelings. Change that is rooted in poor decisions and quick tempers. I made mistakes; others made mistakes; as a result, there are likely friendships damaged beyond repair and trust lost indefinitely. Many questions have consumed my thoughts lately...is it possible to get past this? how will this change who I am? what is the new normal? what is the lesson in this situation? forgiveness will come, but can any of this ever be forgotten? Forgiveness will come and with it will come a happier variety of change.

Gold Star Qualities

There have been four very distinct phases of this trip since escaping the hell that was Royal Jordanian daycare. First, there was the extreme jetlag that, try as I may, kept me in bed until at least noon the first two days of my trip. Next, utter intimidation. I did not know how to dress, what to say, how to greet people, or even how to carry myself in public. This level of intimidation was overwhelming and frustrating, but was quickly followed by fascination. By being so completely intimidated, I devoted much more attention to the mannerisms of the locals. I was fascinated with the unspoken communication and what appears to be a clash of traditional and modern in every facet of daily life. Now, however, I have reached a fourth phase...extreme boredom.

While intimidation and fascination have infiltrated this phase, they just don't have what it takes to occupy the 16ish hours that I now manage to escape the comatose sleep state that seems to have become my norm lately. In preparation for a little down time and in keeping with my "read nothing that could potentially resemble educational material on vacation" rule, I purchased Chelsea Handler's Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang prior to our trip. I must say that if irreverent, sarcastic, smart, and absolutely hilarious pique your interest, then you must read this (disclaimer: there is a lot of inappropriateness, so if you are easily offended it's probably not the best choice). Honestly, I expected that between Chelsea and the GQ magazine I stole from some guy in first class on our flight I would not have to worry about further entertainment. After all, I do have half a dozen unfinished books on my nightstand right now and I believe it impossible to account for all of the others I have purchased, read 300 of the 350 pages, and then tossed aside because I was annoyed by one of the characters, became preoccupied with something else, or simply just misplaced the book. Not exactly a gold star quality of mine, but it is what it is. I did, however, finish Chelsea yesterday morning while drinking coffee on the balcony. In the process, I roasted my legs to an unpleasant well-done and served as a feast for every insect within a 5km radius.

The non-comatose time that I have spent not being cooked and served while reading Chelsea, I have dedicated to practicing the 26 postures of Bikram yoga. Why I chose to do this, I'm not really sure. I enjoy hot yoga, but I have never been inclined to do a lot of practicing of anything (just ask my mom about ballet, piano, gymnastics, clarinet, softball, tennis, soccer or any of my other endeavors as a child). On a positive note, I can now stand on one foot while holding the ball of the other foot in my interlocked hands and extending that leg straight in front of me...Dandayamana Janushirasana. I'm considering adding this on my resume under "other skills" with all of the randomness I've included in an attempt to appear well-rounded.

This extreme boredom has led to a number of other interesting activities. I've taken account of all of the people/things with which I am truly enamored. It is a short list including only coffee, chocolate, ice cream (in either of the aforementioned flavors plus strawberry and caramel), Chelsea, little people, Bobby Flay, Ben Olsen, good wine and good vodka. I am thankful that it is short, too many obsessions would require too much of my time and I already have a lot on my plate. I also made an attempt at taking account of all of the excess I would like to eliminate from my life...this list is much longer and a work in progress, so I've elected not to share it at this time.

Tomorrow we depart for Dead Sea. I am hoping that since he will be somewhat away from work, I can drag Eric down to my level of uselessness; I think it would be funny in a tying-a-string-to-a-June-bug's-leg kind of way (did anyone else do that?).