Read All About It!

I don’t watch the news on television; I prefer reading it. I actually prefer holding the newspaper in my hands, curling up in a comfy chair, and drinking my coffee while reading…but that isn’t exactly the most practical activity during the work week. Inasmuch, I settle for an actual newspaper on the weekend and the online version during the week. Tuesday morning of this week, as I perused the Most Emailed section NYTimes.com, I found the most popular articles quite interesting.

Who would have ever thought that “Eat Less” would be the most earth-shattering recommendation the US Government has ever made with respect to the American diet. I think I actually asked “seriously?” out loud at my desk. You may be asking yourself (as I was) why it is that this is such a big deal. According to the New York Times, “While the recommendations may seem obvious, it is nonetheless considered major progress for federal regulators, who have long skirted the issue, wary of the powerful food lobby.”

After reading about the revolutionary work my tax dollars are funding, I was more than a little frustrated. Fortunately, the next item I opened provided a little solace. According to this blog, “researchers report that those who meditated for about 30 minutes a day for eight weeks had measurable changes in gray-matter density in parts of the brain associated with memory, sense of self, empathy and stress.” My husband, co-workers, and friends have many times commented about what a different person I am when I am devoted to my yoga practice. I have fallen a bit off the wagon recently, but I now have inspiration to re-devote my time and energy to practicing regularly. Combine this information with the recommendation for meditation in The Joy Diet and I would think something was seriously wrong with me if I didn’t feel compelled to begin meditating again.

I was suddenly feeling incredibly rejuvenated as a result of the promise of improved memory, sense of self, empathy and stress. The next item I skimmed revived my hope for humanity: Bush’s Daughter, in a Break, Endorses Gay Marriage. I do not intend to tackle this issue here, but I will say that I agree that this issue is “a matter of conscience and equality” and as Barbara Bush stated, “everyone should have the right to marry the person that they love.”

Finally, a little hope for our planet (and maybe our government as well). Fracking is a process of hydraulic fracturing used to extract oil and gas. It has long been opposed by many, but it seems that it is finally getting the attention of the federal government. “’We learned that no oil and gas service companies have sought — and no state and federal regulators have issued — permits for diesel fuel use in hydraulic fracturing,’ said Representative Henry A. Waxman of California.” It is then explained by the oil and gas companies how it really wasn’t their fault at all: “Oil and gas companies acknowledged using diesel fuel in their fracking fluids, but they rejected the House Democrats’ assertion that it was illegal. They said that the E.P.A. had never properly developed rules and procedures to regulate the use of diesel in fracking, despite a clear grant of authority from Congress over the issue.” It is disheartening that industries will take advantage in any way possible even if it means destroying water supplies for entire communities. I visited Waxman’s office in DC almost 7 years ago and was very impressed with his initiatives and the competency of his staff; I can only hope that his voice will be heard and that this issue will finally get the attention it deserves.

In other news: Confessions Update

*I still haven’t finished (or even touched) the half-re-upholstered chair. Maybe this weekend…

*Last week I made major progress on one of our biggest renovation projects, the stairs. We are not quite finished, but I’m a step (actually 17 steps) closer to not having our renovation as an excuse. Plus, we actually did a really thorough job of cleaning most of the house!

*Still working on the hair washing thing…I have only worn a pony tail one day this week. This is a pretty good indication that things are improving!

*I cut all of my fingernails off and am getting a manicure this weekend. It’s the best solution I’ve identified. Progress!
I think I’m going to be taking a major step in the direction of “what I do when I grow up” soon. Stay tuned!

*I’m making an effort to challenge myself in situations where I don’t know what to do, I do know what to do but don’t want to, and everything in between. This results in existing in a significantly uncomfortable state a lot of the time. I hope it is actually worth it.

*I still haven’t run, at all. I’m not sure it is going to happen anytime soon.

The Joy Diet & ALL EYES

I am reading Martha Beck's The Joy Diet again. The timing is great because my friend just began ALL EYES: an experiment in self-improvement. A theme of self-awareness and honesty seems to be developing in my life. The Joy Diet encourages stepping outside of your comfort zone, conquering fears, and identifying your desires; ALL EYES is centered around confessions about areas of your life you want to improve. I have found that both have encouraged me to be more self-aware and brutally honest with and about myself.

I thought I would share my confessions from ALL EYES here and update as I address them. I think this will follow very closely with my progression through The Joy Diet. Here they are...shameful, disgusting, and somewhat ridiculous:

• I have a half-re-upholstered chair in my garage that I started 2 years ago.



• I use "we're doing a major renovation" as an excuse for always having a messy house.



• I consider washing my hair every other day a serious victory.



• I bite my fingernails.



• I have no idea what I want to do "when I grow up."



• Sometimes I pretend not to know how to do things just so I won't have to.



• I talk about how much I love running all the time, but I haven't run more than 2 miles in months.

Good Morning!

I forgot to set my alarm for this morning. Never fear, I have a back-up... an overweight, needy, and demanding black cat. He INSISTS on being fed no later than 6am every morning (and 5pm and 10pm every evening). This isn't a new thing; he's been doing it for years. Yet, every time I try to sleep in I find myself trying to "hide" from him. In my sleepy state thinking that if I am really quiet he'll give up; as though he understands the concept of "mommy's sleeping." He's adorable and I'm a sucker for it. So, thank you Nicholas for waking me up at 5:38 this morning to make sure I got my day started on time.

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot

~Charlie Chaplin

Recently, I have been in the middle of some of the most ridiculous situations. Some very preventable and some just the luck of the draw. It's times like these that remind me why my friend Jeanne and I began declaring that we "suck at life." Although, I sometimes think that more than actually "sucking at life" we are just fortunate enough to be members of a very select group that attracts chaos. No complaints...when you attract chaos, life is always interesting.

For instance, in the last week I somehow developed both a viral and bacterial infection and had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic that did unmentionable things to my stomach while causing me to break out in hives; it snowed record amounts in Nashville; we had crazy deadlines at work; and UAB NAS asked me to be the featured Minute with a Member for January.

Fortunately, Eric has been a superstar taking care of me while I have been sick; the snow has been interesting; we met our deadlines; and the UAB thing is kinda fun.

Even when considering the positive aspects of a chaotic life, I've often aspired to be one of those individuals who can weather any storm; someone who can emerge from the most horrific situation appearing as though they just returned from a spa weekend.

However, I am not one of those individuals, regardless of any efforts I exert to the contrary, I will always appear as though I am in the middle of a category five tornado at the first sign of trouble.

It's who I am.

It's how I handle things.

I wouldn't be me if that changed.

It might be instamatic flu

I've been sick for almost a week now. It is absolutely no fun whatsoever. Eric has done his best to entertain and comfort me - he came home with three kinds of ice cream last night to help my soar throat. Slowing down this long is an extremely difficult task for me. Even sick, I attempt to do things around the house; however, I tire quickly and end up back on the couch under my favorite quilt with a glass of Sprite.

Every time I get sick, I think of the Shel Silverstein poem Sick. My favorite part is "My leg is cut-my eyes are blue-It might be instamatic flu." I was the kid in the library in elementary school who wanted to know if instamatic flu was a real illness. I wish I were faking like little Peggy Ann McKay; unfortunately, I'm really sick.

I guess, until I can return to my usual schedule, I'll continue camping out on the couch, making lists of tasks that need to be performed, and catching up on daytime tv.

"Sick" By Shel Silverstein

'I cannot go to school today,'
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
'I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more-that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut-my eyes are blue-
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke-
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is-what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is...Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play! '

Lucky to have been where I have been

Do you hear me, I'm talking to you...

I turned 30 on December 3. The week of my birthday, I ate cupcakes for breakfast 4 days and worked 60 hours. That is not how I want to live my life.

Lucky to be coming home again...
Identifying how I don't want to live my life led to thinking a lot about how I became who I am today and the people that have influenced me.

In third grade in Mrs. Strickland's advanced math class, we had begun long division. I was sitting in the doctor's office with my mom and grandfather one afternoon working on my homework when my grandaddy looked at me and said "it looks like you like that." He was correct, I did. The next thing he said was "you should be an engineer." I didn't know what an engineer was at that point in my life, but because my grandaddy said I should be one and my grandaddy was my favorite person on this planet, I was determined I would be one.

Fast forward nine years to a conversation with my favorite teacher, Mrs. Tekulve. I spent a lot of time at that point in my life in a dead panic about being the best; being #1 on the math team, getting the best scholarships, and knowing exactly where my life was going. As I am rambling on and on one day about "what if this...what if that" she looked at me at said "who cares, Hef, you will be okay regardless." Why she called me Hef is another story entirely, but that I would be okay was something I needed to hear right then more than anything else.

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed...

Around 17 or 18 I really started questioning a lot of things. I had most certainly "tested" boundaries before then, but I'm not sure I ever really put a lot of thought into why I believed the things I did and what the basis for my decisions were. I babysat 3 adorable children all through high school and late one night when I was staying with them I had a really interesting conversation with their mom. Today, I can't remember what started the conversation, but I will never forget what she told me: "your parents aren't always right." That seems so obvious today; no one is always right. However, at that time in my life, hearing someone say that was revolutionary.

Five years later, after I had finished undergrad and gotten married, I was having lunch with my friend Jennifer. I was at Georgia Tech at the time and interacting with some of the most liberal individuals I had ever encountered. I liked a lot of what I was hearing, but a lot of it was very different from what had been ingrained in me growing up in a small southern town. I remember sitting across from Jennifer in her living room and saying "how the hell do I figure out what I believe?" She looked at me and very directly said, "well, you just have to decide what basic principles are important to you and go from there." We had a long conversation about politics, religion, morality, and every other topic you can imagine. To this day I frequently go back to that conversation when I am conflicted about something.

You make it easier when life gets hard...

I am sure there are many more, but these are the ones that stand out in my mind most frequently. When I think about my career, when I question my beliefs, and when I need confidence in my decisions these are the conversations I remember.

I am grateful for these people, for their influence. I am grateful for the amazing people that are in my life today; for those who remind me where I came from and for those that challenge me to continue to where I am going.

Lucky to be in love with my best friend...

This year, I am determined, is going to be the best one yet. I am determined to leave the drama of 2010 behind and to have a calmer, less stressful year. I am fortunate to be in love with my very best friend, to be surrounded by incredible friends, and to have a loving family. With all of the good in my life, I can't imagine not having a good year.

Happy New Year!!

Sweet November

Recently, I have begun several posts that I never published. This post captures what has been on my mind this month.

In early November, I was…

Finding the courage of conviction

There has been so much going on lately; it has been fun, exciting, and exceptionally difficult at times. With all that has happened, I have been thinking a lot about convictions. How do I define conviction? Do I have any? Can you be convicted and not be a zealot? Why would acting on your convictions require courage?

I have come to the conclusion that, if you are truly convicted of something, courage in action is not required. In contrast, I believe that action in the midst of confusion requires courage - not knowing how you feel and finding the strength to move forward anyway; making a decision that is not necessarily on the path of least resistance.

There was a time in my life when I could not identify my convictions. Even now, I question if conviction is the appropriate term for the strong opinions I possess. The confusion from this uncertainty gives rise to fear and doubt. Overcoming these fears is difficult as I am fundamentally opposed to becoming a zealot and do not feel that I am experienced or educated to a level that would allow me to embrace a true conviction on most topics.


A little later in the month I reflected on motivation:

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. ~ Epicurus

Has anyone ever told you that there is no selfless act? One of my friends regularly says it to me and for the longest time I thought it was a seriously fatuous notion. However, I have come to realize that there may be some truth in this statement. I find that the more cognizant I am of my actions and the reasons for those actions, the more I realize that most actions, at some level, are motivated by a desired response and inasmuch are in no way selfless. I have challenged myself, and others, to name an act that is selfless and have yet to find one that lacks selfish motivation (try it!). While I have been unable to identify an act that is entirely selfless, I have recognized that there can be an extreme amount of good in even selfishly motivated acts.

In my life, the selfish motivation more times than not is found in my strong belief in setting goals; I primarily appreciate the challenge in the journey. One would think that this would have positive ramifications in most instances; however, I have recently realized that I often push too hard and fail to value goals achieved. As I have examined this, I have asked myself a number of questions: Is the momentary high immediately following reaching my goal more satisfying than the recognizing past accomplishments? Maybe. Is proving to myself and others that I am capable time and again gratifying? Likely. Is failure an unacceptable outcome? Always.

This series of questions is what brought me back to the Epicurus quote. I realized that while setting and achieving goals is important, until I recognize and appreciate successes, I am never going to find any sort of contentment. I decided that if none of my actions are going to be completely selfless, I want to optimize the positive impact, for both myself and others, from my selfish deeds.


Recently, I decided that I needed some…

New Challenges

I completed my 30 day hot yoga challenge at the end of October. It was a really great experience that not only challenged me physically, but also mentally and emotionally. I found a lot of balance in my practice and have been able to extend that into my life in many ways. I also realized that I am often the most unbalanced just before everything aligns.

It was amazing for me to experience, both physically and emotionally, the extremes associated with this challenge. There were days when I would feel emotionally and mentally drained, but my practice would be physically stronger than I could imagine. There were other days that I stepped onto my mat feeling positive and focused, only to find 15 minutes into my practice that I was frustrated, angry and physically weak. Over the course of the challenge, I left the studio in tears, angry, elated, and sometime simply numb. There were days that I was almost afraid to practice because I did not feel strong enough to deal with the emotions that may come my way.

The most powerful discovery I made was an honest relationship with myself that I had never before experienced. I allowed myself to experience weakness that I had previously denied; I let go of a lot of judgment that I had held for longer than I can remember. I forgave myself for things as small as my 2:30 chocolate habit to things I consider unspeakable.

Finding alignment…

When I first heard this during my practice, I thought it was strictly physical. As you tweak your postures to find better alignment, your balance suffers. As you continue to practice with better alignment, your balance will return to its previous level or even improve. What I found during the challenge was that this alignment also extended to the emotional and mental aspects of my practice. I lost my focus or balance, if you will, in many instances: when my friend died, when I experienced conflict, when I became overwhelmed, when I was just tired, hurt or frustrated. However, as I worked through those imbalances, I found great strength…alignment.

These new realizations in no way mean that I am completely centered, calm, and focused. In many ways, it is just the opposite. Once I embraced some of these experiences, I had to determine how to work through the emotions associated with them. This has been one of the most fulfilling, yet most challenging years of my life and it all seemed to rise to the surface as I spent more time on my mat. I am grateful for these experiences and I am grateful for the people who have been, and will continue to be, with me through this challenge.

I am starting another 30 days and am also starting to train for two races in the spring. I am uncertain where these new challenges will take me, but I am anxious for the journey.